BUILDING RELATIONSHIP THAT BOND
Success is not measure by attainment but by the number of hurdles you passed through in getting to the attainment.
Parenting brings with it the certainty that there will be times when the going gets rough. There will be conflict that threatens the love between parents and child. It’s not a matter of if, but when.
The truth is that being an effective parent doesn’t mean knowing how to avoid these times; it simply means knowing how to navigate through them.
God’s plan is not to circumvent the storms, but for you to build a foundation strong enough to weather them. There is tendency to think that conflict is an indication of weakness in a relationship. Conflicts are by-products of the defective world n which we live. The truth is that the strength of a relationship is measured by how well it endures conflicts. Strong relationship don’t just happen, they must be developed in a certain type of family environments.
There are three key words in this topic that we need to define as we discuss this topic. Using Oxford dictionary let’s find out the simplest meaning of the following words:
1. BUILDING: Is the creation or development of something over a period of time.
2. RELATIONSHIP: Is the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected
3. BOND: To join or be joined securely to something else.
RELATIONSHIP AND CHRISTIANITY
Years ago, several Christian leaders met together in a summit. Their goal was to summarize the Christianity faith into a single word. The one word they chose is that Christianity is Relationship. What separates us from all the religions in the world is the centrality of relationship. Our faith is built around relationships, not creeds or disciplines. Consider this passage of Mark 12:28-31. Where Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He said we’re to “love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength.”(a vertical relationship) and “love our neighbour as ourselves.”(a horizontal relationship) Jesus did not say: by this will all men know that you are my disciples – that you have memorized fifty chapters of the Scripture. Instead, He said that they way the world would know we are His disciples is how we handle our relationships. How well do we love people? Jesus taught in Mt. 5:23-24 that relationships are more important than many Spiritual activities we practice.
THE KEY PRINCIPLES FOR BUILDING RELATIONSHIP THAT BOND:
1. POSITIVE PARENTING BUILDS RELATIONSHIP THAT BOND.
Let’s illustrate this with a picture of how God parents us:
A. Like a MOTHER (1 Thess. 2:7-8 NIV) “…… But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you have become so dear to us.”- 1Thess.2:7-8.NIV
The picture shows that like MOTHERS we are being parent with gentle, Caring, Loving, Sharing characters of Mothers which builds a positive relationship that bonds with us.
B. Like a FATHER (1Thess. 2:11-12 NIV) “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own Children, encouraging, Comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory.”- 1Thess. 2:11-12. NIV
The picture here depict how God like fathers use their Character of encouragement, comforting, urging (exhortation), modeling to build a relationship that bond with us.
C. FOUR WORD PICTURES:
Permit me to use further the analogy of the Host, the Doctor, the Counselor, and the Tour Guide to explain how you can build positive relationship that bond with your children.
1. THE ANALOGY OF THE HOST. Good hosts take initiative of conversation and make others feel comfortable. As a Parent, you must “host” the relationships and conversations between you and your children. Parents should not be guests in relationships. Knowing what a good host does in his home, we ought to be able to do it with our children everywhere.
2. THE ANALOGY OF THE DOCTOR. Good doctors ask questions. They probe until they see the need. As you attempt to discern your child’s needs, you should ask questions, until you ascertain their condition. Only then do you try to address their needs. Don’t give prescription before a diagnosis.
3. THE ANALOGY OF THE COUNSELOR. Good Counselors are active listeners and should be able to interpret what they hear. As a Parent with solid children skills, you must become an active listener. You should non-verbally communicate you understand the person, and identify with them. We earn our right to speak by listening.
4. THE ANALOGY OF THE TOUR GUIDE. Guides don’t merely fellowship with others, but get them to the destination. A parent’s Child skills must result in his ability to take a child to a destination. Our purpose is not to be liked by them, but to take them on a journey and to reach a goal they might not have reached alone.
A Parent should take the appropriate role according to the needs of the person they are leading. Our job is to “connect” with people, so that we can take them on the journey.
2. THE PRINCIPLE OF BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS:
Positive parents build relationships that bond which is built on relationships. Meaning:
A. We must be positive in dealing with our children.
B. We want to build bonds with them that last and influence them.
C. Bonding is done through building relationship.
D. Relationship leads to thrust.
THREE AXIOMS OF BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS:
1. The stronger your relationship with your child the more likely they will embrace your values and beliefs.
2. The weaker your relationship with your child the less likely they will embrace your values and beliefs.
3. Tensions, stress and difficulties are normal and to be expected in relationships. (Nothing is perfect no matter how strong our relationships, therefore there will be bumps along the way)
The strength of any relationship is measured by how well it endures conflicts.
4. Building strong relationships is critical to seeing our Children grow in a Godly way. Strong relationships don’t just happen, they must be built.
3. POSITIVE PARENTING REQUIRES A CONSTANT REPAIRS AND MAINTENANCE PROCESS. Meaning:
1. There will be problems that will always occur in relationship.
2. There is no one time quick fix.
3. We will need to be working on building relationships constantly.
4. We will make mistakes which we will need to repair.
B. THE BEST WAY TO REPAIR PROBLEMS ARE: 1John 1:9.
1. Confess to one another wherever you made mistake.
2. Always apply this powerful word: “I’m Sorry please forgive me.”
3. Don’t use it (the offense) for reference.
THE EIGHT KEYS THAT BUILT RELATIONSHIPS THAT BOND.
1. Show Unconditional Love, no matter what.
2. Spend scheduled time with your Children.
3. Give focused attention when you are with them, but it should not be for the
sake of Criticism.
4. Maintain eye contact when talking with them.
5. Keep ongoing Communication with them by:
– Having dinner together regularly.
– Be there at their bedtime especially when they are young.
– Share experiences that build memories.
6. Meaningful touching of your child is very positive.
7. Have fun together. 8. Pray together often.
10 TIPS OF WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT CHILDREN WHEN BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS THAT BOND.
1. Children are insecure- Give them confidence.
Most children are insecure, in some area of their life. A secure environment is provided only by secure and confident people. Key Principle: Hurting people hurt people. Secure people offer security and confidence to people (Hebrew 10:25)
2. Children like to feel Special,- Honour them.
When you affirm and Honour someone with your words be genuine about what you say. Share the honoring words in front of others. Key Principle: To deal with yourself, use your head, to deal with others, use your heart. (Romans. 12:10)
3. Children look for Better Tomorrow- Give them Hope.
Every one lives for something better to come. Where there is no hope in the future there is no power in the present. Key Principle: The key to today is a belief in tomorrow. (Lam. 3: 21-23)
4. Children need to be understood,- listen to them.
Knowing the route to a Child’s heart is knowing what they talk about, cry about, laugh about, dream about? Key Principle: To connect with others, understand the “keys” to their heart. (Romans 12:15)
5. Children lack direction- Navigate for them.
Parents must know the way, go the way, and must show the way to their child. Key Principle: Most children can steer the ship, a parent helps chart the course. ( 1 Peter 5:1-2)
6. Children are Needy- speak to their needs first.
Most Children think their situation is unique but parents must put their needs first. Sometimes they think their problems are the biggest or their faults should be overlooked but parents see the total picture and know their children’s needs. Key Principle: Children must be ministered to before they can Minister. (Philippians 2:4)
7. Children get emotionally low – encourage them.
Key Principle: What gets rewarded gets done. (Colossian 3:10-13)
8. Children want to succeed- help them win.
Everyone wants to be on a team that experience victories and reaches the goal they are pursuing. Parents should help provide this for them. Key Principle: Reach out and help others achieve their goals. Victory has a thousand fathers, defeat is an orphan.
9. Children desires relationships-provide community.
God’s word is all about relationship (Community) from the Garden of Eden in the beginning to the city of God in the end. We were never intended to take the Christian journey alone. The New Testament teaches us “We are members of one another. Key Principle: To practice the 101% principle with people, find the 1% you have in common with someone and give it 100% of your attention. (1 Cor. 12:26) 10. Children seek models to follow- be an example.
Key Principle: people do what people see. (1Cor. 11:1)